雅思IELTS大作文批改!目标是作文单科成绩7+...主要是留学的学校要求小分四个7,作文是最难提高的,所以求高手批改,并做一些批注或者建议（最好是雅思作文老师,或者雅思高手也行!）我最大

雅思IELTS大作文批改!目标是作文单科成绩7+...主要是留学的学校要求小分四个7,作文是最难提高的,所以求高手批改,并做一些批注或者建议（最好是雅思作文老师,或者雅思高手也行!）我最大
雅思IELTS大作文批改!
目标是作文单科成绩7+...主要是留学的学校要求小分四个7,作文是最难提高的,所以求高手批改,并做一些批注或者建议（最好是雅思作文老师,或者雅思高手也行!）
我最大的缺点是,有时候作文遣词造句不够准确,比如单复数,或者一些用词准确度.
【Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children.Do you agree or disagree?】
Stepping into 21st century,it seems impossible for the majority to work or study without their personal computers of laptops due to the convenience and efficiency.But we still cannot overlook the negative aspects a computer may bring to interfere with our normal life especially to our adolescents.
For children,it is crucial to guarantee enough sleep in order to be well brought up.However,they may be addicted to computer games so that they forget the sleep time which may harm their health in such an important growing up period.Those kids who are using computers everyday for a long time may get accustomed to poor or wrong gesture,which can be also harmful to their well-being.What becomes even worse is that they will gradually be unwilling to interact with others in a face-to-face talk— that means they prefer to indulge themselves in a virtual world.Additionally,adolescents,as we all know,are a group of people who are less likely to have self-control,whose explosure to a wide range of information and pictures,including pornography and violence,may probably contributes to juvenile delinquency.
Admittedly,people can better understand and master various computering skills and knowledge at an early age which definitely help a lot in their career.Also,kids have to complete some of their online tasks assigned by their teachers or they may use some online search engine to seek for effective materials for their presentation of certain courses.But all this can not reduce the substantial negative impact of the computer on the younger generation.
In conclusion,I support the idea that the negative effects from so-called high-tech product outweigh the positive ones.As it is impossible for children not to use computer at all,their parents and schools should play a significant role to supervise them and control the time they spend on computers.Thus such joint effort may reduce the harmful factors on our kids.

雅思IELTS大作文批改!目标是作文单科成绩7+...主要是留学的学校要求小分四个7,作文是最难提高的,所以求高手批改,并做一些批注或者建议（最好是雅思作文老师,或者雅思高手也行!）我最大
人常说：“一日之计在于晨,一年之计在于春.”当漫天飞舞的雪花漂飘洒洒,孩童戏耍其间,我们仿佛又回到了童年.当年急切的期盼过新年的心情已不复存在,留下的只有无尽的遐想.“冬天到了,春天还会远吗?”是啊,人生就是这样匆匆,时光永远不会倒流.做好新的计划和打算,调整好人生的航标,在一年的开始,做好准备.
2010年年已经过去了,2011年正向我走来,总结2010年,我的心里有一丝愧疚,因为我这个学期的成绩很差,老是被父母和老师批评.我的成绩差是因为我的心不用在学习上,老是有私心杂念,不能够认真学习,态度不能端正.在考试时我很粗心,要么写错了字,要么就是少字,要么就是字不好.阅读分析一点也不会,作文没有材料可以写.虽然我的成绩不好,但我积极参加劳动,而且我和同学和睦相处.2010年,让我知道成长是一个个艰难的过程,2010年让我明白了只要付出就一定能考一个好成绩因为,“一分耕耘,一分收获”.
低头看脚下的路,路正通向遥远的未来.2011年即将到来,我打算在这半年里赶快抓紧时间,赶上“末班车”,特别是我的语文基础要好,语文阅读分析能力要有提高.2011年我对未来充满向往,我对未来充满憧憬.2011年我一定要考一个好成绩回报父母.2011年我有很多话要说,很多愿要许,如果用两个词来形容我现在的心情那就是感动和希望
2011年,预示着收获,预示着开始,预示着明天,预示着新的希望……
楼主你改下看看能不能用