帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有离题!主题为“学好英语,迎大运”如果有,请说说怎样修改!Meet the Universiade and learn English wellHello everyone!I am glad to be here to share my views with you!I am from Class 3,Grade 6,Cui

帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有离题!主题为“学好英语,迎大运”如果有,请说说怎样修改!Meet the Universiade and learn English wellHello everyone!I am glad to be here to share my views with you!I am from Class 3,Grade 6,Cui
帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有离题!主题为“学好英语,迎大运”如果有,请说说怎样修改!
Meet the Universiade and learn English well
Hello everyone!I am glad to be here to share my views with you!I am from Class 3,Grade 6,Cuibei Primary School.I have a lot of hobbies and my mark was always excellently.I think learn English well can be little volunteers.So if a foreign tourist ask me some questions,I can easily help him .It also can let the foreigners think our Chinese are friendly and warm.
The 26th Summer Universiade will be held in August in 2011.We should learn some knowledge about it.The stadium is in Longgang District.The mascot of the Universiade is “UU”.“UU” has a smile on her face.She is happy and colorful.“Happy U” is the emblem of the Shenzhen Summer Universiade.Everyone is excited about the Universiade.
As a Shenzhen citizen,we should protect the environment [in'vaiərənmənt] and be polite to others.We shouldn’t disrespect ['disris'pekt] our elders and we shouldn’t fight.Also remember that this civilization [,sivilai'zeiʃən] terminology[,tɜ:mə'nɔlədʒi:]:"please" "hello" "thank you" "sorry" and"good-bye” and so on.
Let us learn English well and meet the Shenzhen Summer Universiade!

帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有离题!主题为“学好英语,迎大运”如果有,请说说怎样修改!Meet the Universiade and learn English wellHello everyone!I am glad to be here to share my views with you!I am from Class 3,Grade 6,Cui
文章第二段和第三段都偏离了主题,或者说,“没有漂亮地嵌入整个文章当中”.你在第二段介绍了大运会的一些细节,但是应该把这些细节和“学好英语”挂上钩：如果你学好了英语,你就可以向游客介绍这些细节,介绍吉祥物.第三段讲了保护环境和文明礼貌,但是还是和学英语没关系.你可以说：我们除了保护环境讲文明,还要认真学英语.这样你再把后面的那些英语礼貌用语接上就没问题了.
作文的标题如果改为 Greet the Universiade with good English 会好很多,结尾也要相应改一下.而且结尾你可以试着不要简单地重复标题,可以换一种句式来说：Remember: learning English is very important.
第一段第三句讲到自己的爱好和成绩.如果你以后的句子和你的爱好与成绩无关的话,就不要讲这句话了.“成绩好”可以说 I always have excellent scores. 其实你可以把“爱好”与学习英语联系起来：one of my hobbies is helping others. 我喜欢帮助别人.然后你再讲到做做志愿者帮助游客,而帮助游客的话显然就要学好英语了嘛.“学好英语能做好志愿者”这句话最好这样说：I think learning English well helps us to be good volunteers.
第二段是肯定要加上与学习英语的联系的.原文的一些问题：你同时提到了 UU 和 Happy U,这两个名字讲的是一个东西呢,还是不同的事物?应该是一个东西吧,如果是这样的话使用一个名字就好了.结尾那个 excited 的句子和上文联系也不大.
第三段的问题：fight 后面加上 with each other 会不会更好?文明用语不是 civilization terminology,你这个是字面翻译,应当是 polite words.Remember to use polite words 会好一点.Remember that 会引起一个从句.
祝你学习顺利!