剑8 test1 小作文 求评分批改The pie chart describes the main courses why arable land becomes less productive and the table illustrates how these reasons affected 3 continents during the 1990sAccording to the pie chart ,it is obvious that the

剑8 test1 小作文 求评分批改The pie chart describes the main courses why arable land becomes less productive and the table illustrates how these reasons affected 3 continents during the 1990sAccording to the pie chart ,it is obvious that the
剑8 test1 小作文 求评分批改
The pie chart describes the main courses why arable land becomes less productive and the table illustrates how these reasons affected 3 continents during the 1990s
According to the pie chart ,it is obvious that the most component is over-gazing,which accounts for 35%.Deforestation is the next largest proportion 35%,5% lower than over-gazing,and followed closely by over-cultivation(28%)
As can be seen from the table,it lists 3 courses to lead to land degraded in 3 continents.Specifically,23%land degraded by the deforestation(9.8%)and over cultivation7.7% and over-gazing5.5% in Europe.The over-gazing rate makes up 13% and results to land degraded in Oceania.The over cultivation and over grazing leave 3.7% and1.5%result to land degraded in North America.
As shown that deforestation and over cultivation account for the greatest proportion and lead to land degraded in North America and Europe.While the over grazing is the most serious problem in Oceania

剑8 test1 小作文 求评分批改The pie chart describes the main courses why arable land becomes less productive and the table illustrates how these reasons affected 3 continents during the 1990sAccording to the pie chart ,it is obvious that the
第一行有个错别字：courses---causes.
第一段对题目改写比较简单,而且后半句和原题比较像.
第三行the most component segment(应该加个这一类的词吧),第四行deforestation的比例写错了,应该是30%.而且说了比上一个低5%,就不用再提具体数了.
第三段it lists 3 causes leading to land degradation in such three regions
而且本段写的有点混乱23%land degraded by the deforestation(9.8%)and over cultivation7.7% and over-gazing5.5% in Europe.没有谓语动词,而且没有比较
The over-gazing rate makes up 13% and results to land degraded in Oceania.
常用表达the rate/proportion of over-grazing
The over cultivation and over grazing leave 3.7% and1.5%result to land degraded in North America.去掉句首的The,3.7% and1.5% 后面加个respectively
result to 改成-ing形式吧
本文运气好也许能到6但很有可能是5.5及以下的.因为正文部分语法错误多,表意不明确、而且句式结构有点随意、简单了.

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